Intense grief how long does it last

The exception is the symptom of yearning for the lost loved one, which tends to remain relatively high even after the second year, according to this study. Other studies have also found gender differences in grieving.

One of those is that women seem to tend to grieve longer and harder than men, and this is particularly true when it comes to bereaved mothers. A lot of different things can influence your personal grief experience and make it harder and longer-lasting or shorter and easier.

A very recent — — study took a good look at the grief duration question, analyzing six other studies that followed bereaved families of chronically ill patients. This is an example of a meta-study, which gathers together results of many studies. Meta-analysis like this can yield more reliable and useful results than a single study. This one found that after a year most of the bereaved families were back to the same levels of depression they exhibited before losing their ill relative.

About 10 percent of bereaved people experience only mild grief symptoms even immediately after the loss, and never suffer from more severe grieving. This is in keeping with many studies that report about that many people are likely to experience prolonged or complicated grief.

In a finding that surprised me the first time I saw it, other studies report that about 10 percent of bereaved people are likely to experience only mild grief symptoms even immediately after the loss and never suffer from more severe grieving. The middle 80 percent is generally likely to feel better after a year or so. Various factors other than gender can affect the duration of grief.

For example, parents who have lost a child are often considered to be a special group. In one example of such a finding, this Swedish study from reports that seven to nine years after losing a child, parents were no more likely to suffer from psychological problems than non-bereaved parents. Bereaved parents were still more likely to experience higher levels of anxiety and depression at four to six years. That is a long time to suffer, for sure. But seven to nine years is still short of never.

Bereaved parents were more likely to experience higher levels of anxiety and depression at four to six years. This Swedish study, incidentally, appeared to me to be an unusually good one as far as sample size and representativeness. They eventually got cooperation from 80 percent of the parents asked to participate.

This is a larger sample than most grief studies use. Also, at 80 percent the participation rate for this study is higher than usual. Many grief studies use so-called convenience samples of people who are easy for researchers to contact and recruit, but not very representative of the total population of grieving people.

Ideally, a study will get participation from percent of the target study group, but that rarely if ever happens. Getting back to how long grieving is likely to last, an American study of violently bereaved parents found most could expect even shorter periods for recovery, although still longer than for most grievers. Whether that amounts to getting over it is up to personal interpretation.

And even if it is, the best case scenario of three years is a long time. The farther you get from the time of your loss, the better you are likely to feel. There are exceptions to this tendency. However, the evidence strongly suggests that if there is a sure thing when it comes to grieving the loss of a loved one, time is that sure thing. The evidence strongly suggests that if there is a sure thing when it comes to grieving the loss of a loved one, time is that sure thing.

Some studies suggest that people who were more psychologically healthy before the loss get better sooner, and vice versa. But for most losses you can expect to feel better after about a year. Those who have experienced particularly difficult losses, such as parents bereaved by suicide, may take a few years longer. As always, your mileage may vary. Different strokes for different folks. The goal is to find a way to live with and cope with your feelings.

You may eventually come to a point where your feelings of grief are a reminder of the person, and that in itself can be a source of comfort. Coping with grief longer-term We have described below some of the feelings people have told us they experience over time.

You may feel some or all of these and many other feelings too. There are lots of reasons why you might find that over time you feel your grief more rather than less. In the early stages, you may be caught up in a whirlwind of things that you need to do and sort out. Friends, relatives and even work colleagues, are likely to be very conscious of what has happened and make time and effort to support you. But gradually things settle down and support from friends and relatives wanes. Only then do you have the time and space to understand how different your life is without the person you loved and to grieve for that loss.

For example, if you have young children or perhaps an elderly relative that you need to look after, your initial focus may be on supporting them. Your own feelings of grief might be delayed. It may only be later that it feels real that the person has died, as you are able to make space for your own sense of grief. You may feel very angry at first.

Feeling angry is very common, for example if your friend or relative was diagnosed late, but might have lived if they were diagnosed earlier, or if there were issues with their treatment.

Your sense of anger may replace your grief. Those feelings of anger can stay for a long time. It is ok to ask for support when you need it, even if it is quite a long time after your friend or relative has died. Over time, you will find a way to live with some of the more day-to-day reminders of the person you love.

It is some of the unpredictable things, like a song on the radio, or finding one of their belongings in a drawer, that can trigger unexpected feelings. Although it is completely normal to be upset, you might feel uncomfortable with being emotional in public. In fact it is completely understandable. When you mention the person, they may seem awkward or ignore the comment.

However, your friend or relative was and will always be important in your life. Sometimes other people will take their lead from you. If you talk about your friend or relative, or explain that it is important to you that everyone still talks about them, it can help other people know how to respond. Rather than getting easier, my grief feels denser, if that makes sense. I'm so tired - tired of trying to adjust to my situation, tired of feeling vulnerable, tired of feeling profoundly sad, tired of feeling fear, tired of feeling alone.

It is common for other people, perhaps because they find it hard to cope with your grief, to encourage you to move on. People may even say that the person you loved would not have wanted you to still be grieving. All these comments and some of the expectations and unintentional pressure applied by other people can make you feel as if you should have moved on in some way. But there is no timetable for grief, or how you should feel after a particular length of time.

Without appropriate treatment, complications may include:. It's not clear how to prevent complicated grief. Getting counseling soon after a loss may help, especially for people at increased risk of developing complicated grief.

In addition, caregivers providing end-of-life care for a loved one may benefit from counseling and support to help prepare for death and its emotional aftermath.

Mayo Clinic does not endorse companies or products. Advertising revenue supports our not-for-profit mission. This content does not have an English version.

This content does not have an Arabic version. Overview Losing a loved one is one of the most distressing and, unfortunately, common experiences people face. Request an Appointment at Mayo Clinic. Share on: Facebook Twitter. Show references Conditions for further study: Persistent complex bereavement disorder. Arlington, Va. Accessed May 4, Your loved one has received a terminal diagnosis; the misery starts when you heard the news. This is known as anticipatory grief. If the disease lasts for a year or two, you can tack that time onto your grief timeline.

The situation thrust grief on you differently. In saying all of that, grief determines its own timeline. It depends on you , the state of your physical health, your emotional capacity, and stability. It also can depend on the situation surrounding the death. Numerous grief models follow a timeline. We all wish it could be that easy. But, grief is work. Working through it is a must.

Grief is like a maze, full of twists and turns, and hard to find the end. You will run into dead ends, turn a corner, make some headway, and then hit another dead end. Keep pushing forward; you will eventually make your way out of the maze. Life will be enjoyable again. All of this is normal, and you are not alone. Grief takes time to solve. And you will almost certainly feel at least a twinge of it for the rest of your life.

Being familiar with a grief model and its timeline can be a comfort to you. Knowing that everyone has gone through grief and has suffered what you are going through helps make it feel more normal. Normal may not be a fair word. And reading the models will help you to understand some of the emotions you may be feeling. For some people, the best thing to do is to ignore the models. The information we have comes from aggregating the experiences of many people.

Your experience will be unique. You might be feeling acceptance when the model tells you to be in denial. The timeline may confuse you more than comfort you.

There are always going to be triggers that will bring back memories. In time, these feelings of grief should soften. Instead of feeling sadness, these memories will bring comfort and happiness. Again, this is a grief timeline. There is no set time frame for when you will feel better, or go through each stage, or come to acceptance. Each person, each death, each relationship is different. Anticipatory grief can extend your grieving process. This type of grief is what you may feel before your loved one dies.

Perhaps you received the horrible news that your loved one is terminal. Now the grieving begins. You will grieve over time lost, or perhaps a future that will never be. All of the plans you had will never come to fruition. This grieving stage can be just as fierce as the grief after your loved one has passed. Anticipatory grief can add a whole new layer to the grieving process. Immediately after death, shock will usually set in. This shock can last for hours or days. Shock will affect everyone differently, from tears to hysterical laughing to complete denial.